Café Con Monica

Romance novels

After a few weeks of reading too many romance/erotic novels I have decided its time to take a break. They have completely shattered my perception of reality. I keep expecting that any minute I will run into this amazingly handsome cowboy(this is because I have major hots for them) who I will fall in love with at first sight then run off and have crazy jungle monkey sex that we will call “making love” and he will be possessive and I will be happy and we will be married and live happily ever after all within a few days.

So yea, I am going to lay off the books for a bit. Plus, I think the scenes in my head inspired by these novels are worthy of the Pay per view channels.

I have decided that I want to write a book..I am sure that it will be borderline romance/erotic with a touch of reality and a pinch of sarcasm. I don’t know where I will start but I am going to do it.

So this is my Friday post telling everyone that if you see me reading on my nook, stop me and make sure I am not reading another dirty book. Enough is Enough! And stay tuned because I will be thrilling you all with a story. well, at least attempting to.

My amazing love affair with Google

Yes the title is correct. I have an ongoing love affair with Google. Often times I tend to be on the ditsy side so I am constantly wondering what is going on. Whether this is because I am not functioning on all cylinders or just because I have a million things running through my mind at once is beyond me but its been said that I can have my “blonde moments” no offense to any blonde readers. Either way back to my love of all things Google.
I am known to pick up my phone in the middle of a conversation and google the topic of conversation. The amazing amount of information and plethora of pictures made available makes me feel like a genius. I google everything….EVERYTHING. Where else you just type in “What if” and see the many possibilities of questions that you can ask?

I love being able to type a name of a restaurant into google and find the number to call, reviews, address…whatever I need its at my fingertips. I love that if I mistype something it asks me if I meant _____ (insert correct request)Google is my ultimate affair. I can even google random people that I shouldn’t be Internet stalking anyway. (Don’t pretend you don’t do it)

I am sure I am not the only person out there with this tiny obsession. If Google could provide other services, namely sex, I would actually consider it my lover. For now, I will just continue to google random nonsense on a daily basis.

Huh?! What did you say?

I can’t possibly be the last person out there that is so behind on all things pop culture. I feel like I am always the last person to find out the meaning of some new “word” or expression. I often find myself wondering what the hell people are talking about or what the song I just heard on the radio is about.

In a previous post I ranted about music snobs and my dislike for them but I find myself frustrated when I hear a random song on the radio and I can’t understand half the lyrics. Or when I come across a guy and he starts talking to me and within seconds I realize that I have no clue what he is saying.

Listen..If I need to pull up The Urban Dictionary on my phone in order to understand you then you better believe I am not interested in what you have to say. Keep this in mind. Especially if you are a guy and trying to hit on me. I speak English and clearly and I still use words that are in the original dictionary. Oh and I even use words with more than two syllables!! oh yes I do!

Don’t even get me started on the awful manipulation of the English language that I have to hear and see every day. If one more Facebook friend incorrectly puts there instead of their I will probably have to start deleting people. “Finna” is not a word, taking the letters out of things like “pose” instead of suppose does not make you appear anything more than idiotic. Don’t get me wrong occasionally I catch myself using “IDK” or “BTW” but seriously not understanding the use of common words as an adult is ridiculous.

“You do you, Ima do me” ~uhhhh seriously? Do they know what the hell they are saying or does it just sound good so it comes out? Whoever came up with this expression should have his tongue cut out.

This leads me to the whole Why do most Americans only speak one language?
I asked this question on Facebook recently and was given some good responses. Mainly a good percentage of our population can’t even speak English correctly. Do we not have an education system for this reason? Come on, it is not ok to encourage your children to talk like the rap videos. Do you think it will help them get a job? I promise you if I went into an interview talking the way they do I would be laughed at.

I know I am rambling….Ahhhh the tragedy that is the manipulation of the English language right now…

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